Shaded

When I fall asleep I shall dream only of you, without anything else to think of.
The time between sleeping and waking is where you live now.
There is no peace of mind, only shadows, shadows, shadows.

In the past you were close to me but you have moved further away as time has passed.
Now you are almost alien to me, moving beyond the curtain of this world.
I see you skirting clouds and edges, just missing cracks and moving through objects.
When did we lose touch?

When did our fingers part?

Have we grown so old so fast?
Can it really be that all that is left is this strange, unpleasant silence between us?

The science of leaving you.
The inequality of life.
Sometimes I am young and small, and I can move, but other times I am old and stiff and fragile.
I watched them get married yesterday.
So much and so little, all wrapped up together.
Perhaps it is indefinite,
Perhaps it is subtle.
Perhaps it is nothing, but perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
It is time.

Out Of Touch

Everyone else, consult your routines
Fixed lens in the world, life as it goes
No cross-referenced thoughts, same mistakes as machines
Unable to take control

Forgiven, forgotten, but not understood
You accept and expect but you still come to harm
And I can’ understand how they thought that you could
Movement without a soul

I have lived my whole life as I live it now, live it now
People have never meant much, never meant much
I look forward to nothing, nothing is all
Drifting out of touch

My body not working, I can’t make it move
There’s a man who tells me I’m killing my heart
But it keeps beating so I’ll just disregard
Better than having to change

Down in the alleys the world is still dark
On every street they wait for me
And what’s left for me now looks fragile, stark
Grown into a world that won’t hear me

I have lived my whole life as I live it now, live it now
People have never meant much, never meant much
I look forward to nothing, nothing is all
Drifting out of touch.

As The Crow Flies

It’s not too far from here
As the crow flies
When the light fades
And the sun dies

Where the wolves run
And the birds sleep
I’ll take you there
But tread lightly

Every footfall crashes
And our eyes are like sparks
Softly, so clumsily
We move through the dark

Can you see it there?
Hear it in the freezing sky?
It’s not too far from here
As the crow flies.

Church Cove

Round the headland
Where the swallows nest
Sweep up the coast to the next bay
Out into the sea
Where tomorrow and horizon are made

The little pools
Each round, deep, and clear
Pressed down, definite
Over the rocks and under the starlight
Up to the arms of the church

And in the little graveyard
Old bones still sit, still stirred
By the march of the land into the sea
Stretched out across the sand
Ancient holes and the modern man

Back up into the trees
Put some distance behind me
At the edge of what I know to look for
Is the edge of what I can find.

Song To One Who is Gone

When I become older than you
You will still look this way, won’t you?
When they make me live on and you still lie
I shall remember you the way you died

Not so old, although you seemed
As tall as houses, and as strong as stone
And I know you live on, you lies somewhere in us
But when we’re gone what is left?

I don’t know my ancestors
I don’t know your father’s name
One day I will, perhaps, but what difference will it make?
Life seems so important

But there is not so much at stake
What difference can we ever make?
The future may or may not be set, so much to regret
When even the strongest man must break.

Stand Alone

The day is so long, at the end
There’s nothing left but fire
I’m a city girl, it’s in my soul
Ready to exist
Just don’t move the goalposts
Changing my life again
Dependant upon a corrupt structure
One day I’ll stand alone

Don’t forget so fast
And confuse your dreams with the past

It’s all war, debt, attack, defence
Reality is changed
I’m glad to have never seen darkness
In the deadlights’ and streetlamps’ glow I am safe
When the sun shines
I’m convinced it’s not as bright as it was
When I was a girl
The world was so much bigger

Don’t forget so fast
And confuse your dreams with the past
Don’t forget so fast
And confuse someone else’s dream with the past.

Just Get By

I heard the other day
That I haven’t got a soul
So self-assured,
We need nothing more

I’m not sure I agree
Without a soul what am I?
I’m convinced that I feel
Guilt and sadness to think of you

It’s easy just to get by
But so hard to control myself

Another day, another morning at least
Seems like another chance
Sounds on the radio
The lump in my throat

I can feel my pulse in my ears
And although it changes as you come near
I’m not convinced that that’s enough
When there’s nothing else it doesn’t seem like much

It’s easy just to get by
But so hard to control myself
And sometimes I don’t
I just become someone else.

Light

Still, without weight you drift
Exception of light, perfect form
A star amidst silver leaves, burning
White, cold and distant to touch

And if a rain should fall
You’ll burn it off and leave me dry
Face upturned, I have found shelter

Soft, you move out into the night
Moving shadows of still light
I move with you, forgetting the rain
Out of the woods and into the world

And if you should drift away
I don’t think I could stomach the pain
Face turned down beneath the barren sky

Slow, you start to dim and fade
And suddenly the torrent hits me
Tearing through paper shoulders
My weak body, you have left me thus

And if I should feel you near again
I wouldn’t know what to do
Caught between love and the agony of you.

Burden

The wind laps and crashes against your walls
Let me in, let me in he cries
Echoes of the past, sing on to the future
When a thousand ghosts make each breath
When you are still weak from hearing them

The sun beats down on us here, we are getting old
And are we getting anywhere?
There is still the same flicker on the horizon, still the same burden
Still the load upon our backs

When the rain falls, dust flies
To a mist in the still air. So much change
So much gone forever, so much still to come
Just take me home.

Pinned Down

She moves in silence
Without hope anymore
I have her trapped, immobile
Pinned down
Waiting for the killing jar

She beats her wings
Tears her fragile limbs
I have made her into this
Pinned down
Waiting for the killing jar

She stains the glass
Colour bleeds onto the walls
I have turned her ebon black
Pinned down
Waiting for the killing jar

She died so long ago
Colour faded from her eyes
But it is I who kept her here
Half way between
I have not grown, still I am become a god
Pinned down
Waiting for the killing jar.

Sounding You Out

When you came to me it was easy to see
I would never be without you
And as days carried on it got hard to pretend
That I could live without you

But we’ve had our ups and downs
After all this time I’m still sounding you out
Sounding you out…

The summer came and we lay down on the grass
And the autumn passed, and even winter passed
And then I did things that I’d rather forget
But I’ll sing this song to you with my regrets

You know that we’ve had our ups and downs
After all this time I’m still sounding you out

Sounding you out, sounding you out
I know so much about you
But there’s still so many doubts
Sounding you out, sounding you out
Just when I think I know you
You shock me somehow

I never meant to bring you pain
But you’ve just healed and I hurt you again

I know we’ve had our ups and our downs
After all this time I’m still sounding you out…

Sounding you out, sounding you out
I know so much about you
But there’s still so many doubts
Sounding you out, sounding you out
Just when I think I know you
You shock me somehow.

Waiting

When the sun comes out
I can see right to the corners
When the sky is clear
I can see so far

The music of trees disjointed
Broken up by machines
And I am happier here
In a place I don’t understand

But within my own world
The sky remains close
Thick and overcast, dense
Without form or motive

Their wisdom in my ears
The familiarity of history
Of…
Waiting for the sun to come out.